I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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