Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
