Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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