Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.