this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.