none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
