my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(