The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?