Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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