I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
