Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
