Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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