Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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