I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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