I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
