i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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