Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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