she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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