I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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