dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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