Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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