it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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