she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
