We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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