Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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