also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
