Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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