I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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