It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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