remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
