That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
