good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
