I can text with my tongue
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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