I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize