i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
