dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
