Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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