That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
