capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
