Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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