cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
