I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
