the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
