I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
