At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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