...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
not ubering you a puppy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
