he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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