she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
