Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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