I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i've created a new STD.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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