Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
