she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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