i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
