you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
