I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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