Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
