Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
