I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
