when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
