That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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