I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
