she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The air was thick with penises
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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