I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize