Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have tasted many bathrooms
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
