apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
