i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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