Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
