first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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