6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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