I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
