haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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