if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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