I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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