yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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